just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
