I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
this boner is exhausting
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
