I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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