I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
