I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
