i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
