dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
