if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
