ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
