I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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