made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
