Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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