Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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