Pappa wants mamma naked
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
