Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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