oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
