it's not cheating when I paid for it
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
