LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize