it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
