I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
