he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
