at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
