i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
