69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There are leaves in my underwear?
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