HIV tests are more positive than that guy
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
