Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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