she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
be right there i have to get my cape
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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