I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i've created a new STD.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
