he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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