he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my being single is dangerous.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My ass is underappreciated
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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