dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my being single is dangerous.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
