I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Houston, we have a squirter
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize