I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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