Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
