Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
