That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
