I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
