I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
