his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
