You made me cry and you don't even care
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need to sanitize my soul.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
