thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
