also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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