All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
