So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize