her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
