Im at strip club and am horny
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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