I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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