I wannas sexs uuuuu
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
