they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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