No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
