all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
