What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
