I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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