the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
