I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
