Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
