I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
