If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize