If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
