Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
