If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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