I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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