i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
