If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
