Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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