were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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