They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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