You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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