I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
