I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
