Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize