You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
