I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize