Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
