At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
