One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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