I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
